The Time I Ruined 4square, Google & Scallops
In 2010 I may have done something terrible. In 2010 I may have somewhat, accidentally, possibly, through no conscious act of my own, partially tainted a small, still unknown startup called Foursquare. It's a story that has changed the way I order food in front of people for the rest of my life, and one that I have only ever given an oral history to. That was until last week. Over the next few days, as my early Christmas gift to you, Facebook, I shall give you that story as told in four parts. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Chapter 1: No Good Dead Goes Unpunished
Back in 2009 Foursquare was just getting going. A start up in the east bay that was really maximizing it's potential through the SF market. They really put an emphasis back then on it being played practically like a game; They had badges for everything, loved initiating swarms, took mayor-ships VERY seriously and at the end of the week they'd have a points total for most check-in's in that weeks time. Everyone was involved with this one just by being in a location and having a Foursquare account. The way it'd work is like this: You were given a point for checking into a building. You were given two points for checking into your second building of the day. You were given three points for checking into your third building of the day. At the end of the day it would reset back to one point and your first check in. If you tried to machine gun it and you checked into too many buildings at a time you would be blocked for the day, which could upset your ability to maintain your mayor-ships and, of course, hinder your points. Now, you'd also get bonuses for new building, swarms, etc., but this was really the way to build your points and at the end of the week EVERYONE in your area...namely the SF bay, it's largest market....would be listed to see who scored the most points.
Enter me. At the time I was a bored, first year architect who had some more manic qualities. I loved good, upsetting challenges and was already infamous with my friends for ruining board games because of it. I also had a healthy habit of drinking and touring most of SF on a nearly nightly basis by bike. So what do you think happens when a frenzied social game finally gets introduced to an unscrupulous person who's mobile and disciplined to a fault? Well, my friend wanted to know and she decided to throw that match into that pit and introduce me to the game.
Now, it started off slow. I was getting a feel for it and understanding what the limits were, but remembering every-time I'd touch that wall. if I checked into more than 3 places I'd be blocked. It wasn't an hour, it was 45 minutes between 3 places. If i held off checking into my mayor-ships until after I'd built up the daily stack I could take full advantage of multipliers. In about two months time I'd set the alarm on my phone to go off every 45 minutes and immediately clock into 3 locations. At night I would find the places I hadn't checked into before on long bike tours. By 3 months in I was a mayor of nearly 500 locations.
By the end of that month I was practically unchallenged for the weekly winner of the entire bay area. There was only one other "person" who was any challenge to my reign; some other player by the name of "CCW" who, I'm fairly certain, was a literal robot...like a program setup by some random developer who would then take his phone with the account and tape it to a bus. And this can't be said enough: we were crushing anyone else. Every week the totals would run like this: 5th place: 810pts. 4th place:877pts. 3rd place: 912pts. CCW: 4985pts. Nick B: 5011pts.
Our run went on for nearly 12 weeks. Absolutely goofy numbers coming from me and my electric friend. I think one other player managed to crack 2000 points in that time, but for the most part the two of us were well in 5x the point total for the rest of the field. That was until that fateful email came:
Here is that literal email:
Chrysanthe (redacted) <chrysanthe@foursquare.com>
9/28/10
to me
Hi there,
It looks like you're an enthusiastic user of foursquare (great!) but our system has flagged your account due to obviously fake check-ins (less than great). Please refrain from fake check-ins or the system will prevent you from getting mayor-ships, badges, etc. Keep it fair for everyone. Thanks!
Community Manager, foursquare
@4sqsupport
I went back to my app only to find several hundred mayor-ships immediately reverted and other activities with new limitations including from at that point on in if I checked into more than one place an hour I would be blocked for the day. I also wasn't allowed to even see myself on the boards any more, no matter my point total. And that was it for my 3 month reign with my cyber buddy.
But that's the funny part of this story....because this, weirdly enough, is just the beginning. I wouldn't say what happens next was vengeance. I won't even claim it to have been planned, or have a point. Not by me, and not by them, but it happened...and it's where in one path I ruined all Foursquare search results for nearly 6 years as well as any english speaking persons ability to find decent seafood
Chapter 2: A Pan Seared Phoenix
So, here I am. Neutered and trying to stave off what little humiliation of losing the mayor-ship of my own house. Obviously, I'm not completely crushed. This is just a dumb game. But i still kind of had it in my head that there must be an angle I'm missing in all this that I could tinker with. Something they couldn't have predicted.
A month later I'm out to dinner on some unspecial date. The restaurant, however gets everything right. Firefly in Noe Valley in case you're interested. The funny thing about this place too is it really has a slant on seafood and on making some of the best seafood dishes in the and around that town. It's been about 3 hours since the last time I checked into a place, so i think "...might as well, this place is more than noteworthy..." and I do...but not before I realize that there's also a commenting function to this whole operation. And the scallops were god damn incredible. So, while my date is in the bathroom, I very casually write out:
"Best scallops in the city."
Capital "B", period at the end. Just those 5 words. Just a completely innocuous statement.
I get home, leftovers in tow, and drop them in the fridge. Gotta check in, don't want to lose the mayor-ship of my own apartment...but, hey, those scallops (or the leftovers) are sitting in my fridge currently...so wouldn't that mean the best scallops in the city are also in my home?
Best scallops in the city.
And there's also that doghouse I keep checking into next door...I've never eaten there, but I can't hold that against them...so maybe I should just play it safe and be a good neighbor with a good recommendation?
Best scallops in the city.
I'm also the mayor of a street named Uranus...Uranus could have great seafood. Uranus could possibly have some of the best seafood. I would gladly eat anything that came out of Uranus. maybe I should...AND I'm blocked....but, what's this? I can still comment? Being locked out of checking in has no effect on commenting? In fact, I don't even have to check into a place to comment on it. Oh, my...
That's where it began. That was the ground zero. I went on to canvas the entire neighborhood with my recommendations. Every single birdhouse to esoteric head space now, officially, had the mark of scallops. There was no derivation either. Every single one was spelled exactly, exactly, EXACTLY the same: Capital "B", period at the end. It was like some great, merciless scallop loving ape had been set free from it's cage and was only taught a single sentence to assault the world.
Biked to work. Best scallops in the city. Got my coffee. Best scallops in the city. Gave a dollar to a vagrant. Best scallops in the city. Sat at my desk. Best scallops in the city. Went to the bathroom. Best scallops in the city. Climbed stairs. Best scallops in the city. Answered an email. Best scallops in the city. Cleaned my glasses. Best scallops in the city. Tapped my foot. Best scallops in the city. Thought about the difference between a donkey and a horse. Best scallops in the city.
At the top of the hour, every hour I would take 10 minutes to write up 100 comments. Crtl+Paste was a very helpful tool. In 24 hours every noted Foursquare structure in down town SF had a recommendation. In 48, a quarter of the city. I found ways to trick the phone into thinking I was at different locations until I realized the comments didn't actually need for you to be close to them to write something. With that it became an act of the theater of the mind.
Later that week I was laid off. Probably unrelated. But that was fine because now I had clear priorities. It was the same week that the Giants first won the world series...and as I let the celebrating city know that Brian Wilson's Beard had some damn good scallops, I hopped into my car and drove north...
Chapter 3: Over The River & Through The Woods
Many great people throughout history have had a message to give. Some changed the world, others were crucified on the spot. But none of them ever asked for it; it, in a switch hit by the old signified and signifier, would always choose them. Maybe Jesus had something to say about where to get the best communion. Maybe Ghandi could have done a little more with a little less with a little Yelp by his side. We don't know the answer to these questions. Maybe someday the universe will give us a wink and turn loose some words on why these things ever at all mattered. Until then we can only wonder about space, souls, and scallops.
As I passed Ukiah I would slow down to the speed of comment. There is a magnificent sign over the start of Redwood valley that I could only imagine one day it having the potential of being a restaurant. Where as some may have doubts about it's ability to possibly heat a pan and place a thin, reticulating shellfish, I choose to be the optimist. And I was. With every ancient tree of note. With all the surrounding bodies of water. With anything anyone ever so much as brought into recognition with Foursquare.
There is a term called "Meta-Evolution". It's loosely used for when two different chimpanzee tribes, spaced by hundreds of miles and never to meet, would, on the same day, begin using the same new tool, in the same meticulous fashion. As one would reason, this means at any moment every squirrel in that forest could simultaneously began preparing delicious scallops at the same zero hour. If i didn't take that into account, then I would be a fraud.
When I made it to Eureka for the night I stopped into a delightful restaurant by the coast and had the scallops. I am nothing if not credible. They were not bad. They were, in fact, great. As I finished my plate I got the attention of the waitress and I let her know that these were the best scallops I had ever had in this city and I would be posting as such. She thanked me in kind, I went back to my hotel and there I let my mattress know the exact same thing.
By the time I hit Vancouver, my work only became more solid. I had noted several Colosseums, a few civil war parties in passing through Oregon, and got a bout of un-scallop-related food poisoning while passing through Seattle. Still, no low end motel would I leave without a comment. No restaurant without a suggestion. I recall walking through Vancouver's gas lamp, having made a few, new, drunken friends...and also friending them on foursquare...and as we passed from block to block, their phones would chirp in the night with little foursquare notifications of comments... comments their new night friend had made to all the wonderful locations. They learned quickly that they didn't have to read them all.
Eventually I had to return to the U.S.. Though, not without my heart having been fuller for all the wonderful memories and scallops. Still, I continued to travel a tad bit more and spread the good word. It was somewhere around south Florida where I finally turned around. The earth was beginning to get small and I had to get back to some of reality.
What I wasn't prepared for is what happened next. Apparently, people can be strange...
Chapter 4: Death
So let me start off this beginning of the end by saying what I was doing was not some desperate attempt at attention. It was clearly an act of mania fueled by a substantially low point within my life and being. More of a "heart of darkness" kind of a spell than looking for my spotlight. So, again, my intention was never to make my fortune in Foursquare reviews...just to express myself like the malfunctioning robot I was.
But these, and those, are social times.
You see, apparently there are other people on that app of Foursquare's. Apparently they go to these places, and check into these places, and look at the reviews of these places. Now, a lot of these reviews may have gone unnoticed, having been in their natural environment, like a restaurant....but my canvas had grown almost on day one.
It was the review of the Lusty Lady, a strip club in SF, that I first noticed had cross pollinated into Yelp. Apparently someone was either appalled at me having claimed it to have had the best scallops or was upset that their weren't any. I don't know, these things are funny and my work is vast....but slowly I would begin to stumble over my own scallop references more.
And I didn't think much of the Yelp. After all, Yelp was some hatchet job of a website site made specifically so people could better insult the staff. But something about this seemed to have legs.
Then the friends of my friends began asking those friends if they knew "why". If they knew why this "Nick B.", who was friends of their friends on Foursquare, had so enthusiastically posted about scallops. And a lot of them didn't even know that I had been doing it, let alone why I was doing it at all.
And then Joe saw it. And Joe loved it. And Joe posted my Foursquare account to a small, scam website for unattended children known as Reddit.
It was somewhere around here that the savants over at Foursquare had finally noticed. I had come across a new drinking fountain, back home in SF, and was about to comment only to my find my profile locked, all comments wiped and, really, nothing left but my profile pic of me in sunglasses. They had nuked it all without any warning.
Why? I don't know. It was maybe a few, several thousand exactly worded comments across two countries. I mean, if they are going to be that strict and unannounced with it then I just don't understand what the business model would be. They really, really, need to define that line.
It was official, though; My reign as the Johnny appleseed of scallop opinions had been shot in the back of the head as it left it's motel room.
This, however, was equivalent to thinking you could stop a forest fire by breaking the match that started it. Before my account was posted, there was maybe a few hundred searches just by curious users. After the posting, that number jumped to over a hundred thousand. On top of this my account had become an article for a few bored bloggers, a feature on Digg and, I believe, even a Buzzfeed article, though I could be wrong...
It had also become a movement. Users all over Foursquare had begun repeating "Best scallops in the city." where ever they went. People.exe had become corrupt all over their little digital village; my acolytes were as meticulous as me and some were even trying to start their own mantras with "Blah blah bbq" or the like...whatever...but people were seeing the light. What the future of this tool should be.
...and the searches came. There were so many searches. So many searches for "Foursquare" "scallops" "Best scallops in the city" and even "Nick B." that it warped some hamster wheel of a search engine known as Google.
For two years if you googled "Foursquare", you would get "scallops". For four years if you googled "scallops" you would get my banned Foursquare account. And for six years you could google the whole shebang of "Best scallops in the city." and get everything...but scallops.
Recently, somewhere in the last few years, it's finally all gone back to dust. If you're diligent, you may still find a cross reference on Yelp, but the ebb and flow of the internet tide has finally wore down the rocks of that shore to make it as if it never was. Or maybe Foursquare had to pay Google a bunch of money. I don't know, it's nature.
But, as I look back on it, I can honestly say I really don't know what I was doing. I don't know why it was a good idea to drive to Canada. I don't know why I wrote "Best scallops in the city" the second, third or three-thousandth time. I don't know why it took off, or why anybody was inspired by it. All I know is that I can never order scallops again in front of anybody I know...and that if I wanted to find an answer for "why" I did this, I would probably need to answer "why" to a whole lot of other things too...and I just don't have the time.
-fin-